Added June 2006:

Nearly a year after I wrote this post, it is still the most-looked at page on my blog.   I never dreamed such would be the case when I pounded out my thoughts that night months ago.   I still stand by my assessment of the book, and time has only strengthened my opinion as I have stated it here; but I admit I wish I could rewrite portions.  In the interest of humility and love, I would take back my flippant tone towards the end of the post;  however, since it  has been linked so often and is still frequently read,  I will leave it as it is to maintain honesty.   Thank you for your understanding and grace.

 

 

I finished reading Created To Be His Help Meet yesterday, with a great deal of sadness.   Although I was extremely suspect of the book before I bought it,  I was thoroughly challenged and convicted as I read it.  Several times, I had to take a deep breath and admit I am not being the wife God has called me to be.   A couple of the revelations I had were so profound, I doubt my marriage will ever be the same again. 

That's what makes this book such a tragedy:  so much good, twisted up with so much bad. 
 
I won't do a complete review of the book, as it has been done many times before, 

(Two of the best reviews are here:  Spunky Homeschool and Keer Unplugged)

A few things that stood out to me, however:

1.  The book continually lays the responsibility for a man's sin at the feet of the wife.   According to Mrs. Pearl, everything from porn addiction to affairs can be solved by a submitted, feminine woman who puts her man first, and is available for plenty of intimacy.

In a letter to the wife of a man having an "emotional affair":

"Don't ride him with suspicion. Don't play detective and follow him around. But do call his work with a giggle in your voice, and give him fair warning that you expect "some loving" when he gets home, then giggle and ask him if he is blushing...Make sure you are looking radiant and delightfully in love. Your very sweetness and thankfulness toward your man will make that cheap office hussy feel she is beneath your class..."

This is typical of the teaching throughout the book.  I have no problem with "fighting for your man", and I certainly believe a woman's attitude at home contributes heavily to the health and happiness of a marriage, but a wife cannot fully control the sins of her husband.  There is almost no mention of prayer or relying on God for intervention and help.  Nearly every piece of advice depends upon the wife's perfect obedience to create a happy man.  

The story of an abused woman named "Sunny", takes the cake.

"Over the next seven years, Sunny was regularly subjected to his alcoholic rages and beatings, and she endured his flaunted unfaithfulness. She and the children were home alone for days at a time, even weeks, as her husband stayed away with "friends." He returned home to vent his rage and take the few dollars she earned to support their growing family. When Sunny was pregnant with their third baby, Ahmed came home drunk and tried to kill her with a butcher knife."

Sunny finally decides she will murder Ahmed, and confesses the plot to Mrs. Pearl. 

"I spent hours in prayer and counseling with Sunny that evening. I asked her to make a decision, either to leave Ahmed once and for all...or to stay with him and begin a campaign of winning his heart and saving their life together."

Sunny decides she wants "God's will in her life", so Mrs. Pearl counsels her to reverence Ahmed. 

"The change in her husband was obvious in just one week...He stopped going off with his drunken friends...got a job...came to church...The last time I saw Ahmed and Sunny, they were growing in the Lord together."

 

The end.   See how easy that was?   I can't help but wonder how Sunny and Ahmed are doing now?  I hope she never says a cross word to him....

2.  Whenever Mrs. Pearl starts quoting from the Bible, I get confused.  Honestly, I don't have any idea what she's talking about half the time.  I freely admit, this may be my own problem, but when we teach the Word, we should be careful to be clear and accurate.  There is truth in the book, but the only way I recognized it most of the time was because I have already learned it in other places.  I was able to sift through and discard a lot of things; but what about a new believer? or someone who has never studied the Word about marriage and submission? 

3.  Much of the teaching seems to be the Pearl's own wisdom.   In the introduction to one of the better chapters, about "Three Kinds of Men",  Mrs. Pearl says authoritatively,

"Men are not all the same. I have become aware that there are basically three types of men. The different types are just as marked in one-year-olds as they are in adult men. It seems God made each male to express one side of his triad nature. No single man completely express the well-rounded image of God...Certainly Jesus was the perfect balance. Most men are a little of all three, but tend to be dominant in one."

Okay...

Now, here is something we've all been waiting for, "A Standard Dumb-Cluck Test" (or "how to tell if you are a prudent wife") in its entirety:

Does natural healing grab your attention?

Have you neglected to check out what vaccinations might do to your child's health?

Have you considered what store-bought, prepared cereal has in it?

Do finances and business matters confuse or bore you?

Are you satisfied with knowing who's who in Hollywood but really don't care a fig's worth who is deciding the fate of your children's future in world events?

Do you love fiction romances but find books that will teach you practical knowledge a drag?

Have you ever checked the oil in your car?

Can you use a hammer, saw, tape measure and screwdriver?

Well, by Mrs. Pearl's standards, I'm half "dumb-cluck".    My poor hubby, stuck with me till death do us part.


The sadness of this book is the wasted potential.  Mrs. Pearl's "tell-it-like-it-is" approach could really benefit a lot of wives, and she has some excellent things to say, but it is impossible to overlook the flaws.  Unfortunately, I could not recommend this book to anyone else.


I'd love to have a solid, frank book on biblical submission for future reference.  I've read much of Elisabeth Elliott's works.  Does anyone have any other suggestions?