;)
update....rambling...not so spiritual
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 09:04AM thanks for the emails checking up on us. we're hanging in there. it's been a weird week - no one can decide what is the long-term plan - so our son is home for now under strict supervision. we're living somewhere in that lull between disaster and action wishing it would all just go away.
~ my laptop died, taking with it hours of work on next year's homeschool plans. i need a serious rejuvenation in the homeschool department and losing all my plans didn't help at all. if you want to lose confidence in your work, just stick your life under a social worker/psychologist/counselor/psychiatrist's microscope and let them dissect for awhile. our team of experts from the hospital determined that our son's social immaturity and anxiety was probably due to "the isolation of homeschool" and that we could solve a lot of his emotional problems if we were "less critical" and "more accepting" and didn't "react so much to his behaviors." (reality check) i'm a fairly calm person, so i just walked out of the room instead of throwing a fit right there, but i'll admit, i was the tiniest bit infuriated.
after that, they gently suggested we get family counseling, discharged our son and sent us home with a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.
mark and i were a bit stunned. these were the same people who have been telling us nonstop that our son could not be in the same home with our other children and that he needed intervention right. now.
alrighty then. so here we are, trying to figure out the next steps and now the laptop has died and i am not sure that i should even try to recreate all those homeschool plans because gee whiz, maybe i'm part of the problem here.
(then again, my favorite part of this whole story is the stunned confusion of "the experts" as they read that our son's IQ, reasoning skills and verbal abilities are well above average (with FASD they expected these to be very low.) apparently that is all luck and has nothing to do with a healthy learning environment. )
~ it's amazing what a crisis does to the daily rhythms of your life. when i sent my husband to get wonderbread from the quikmart down the road for a pb&j dinner, i knew we'd reached a new low. i kept going to the store and buying "whatever sounds good" - which was apparently, potato chips, ice cream, french fries and ritz crackers. my children were stunned. adding 5 pounds in a week doesn't help with good body image, in case you're wondering.
then there are the lost hours. those are the hours that melt away while you are staring at a spot on the wall or reading the same line over and over in a book or endlessly stirring the spaghetti sauce while it burns. some may have disappeared while we watched "Beauty and the Beast" and "Monsters Inc." (this was our state of mind, folks. no one in the house is under 9 years old, but we watched. yes, we did.)
~ but things are getting better now. i have the house under control. i went grocery shopping for real food and actually cooked dinner last night. we graduated to watching "Pride and Prejudice." we picked blueberries at a local farm and made some plans for the weekend. the much-loved summer soccer games started. a caseworker has promised to call and get started on a plan.
we're keeping on.
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Reader Comments (18)
Oh Tonia, we'll keep praying for you and your family. I am comforted to know that our Father sees what the "experts" cannot. He is with you.
(Hugs) You are still in my prayers, Tonia.
Simply, all my love.
Always.
He is making you beautiful,inside and out.
((T))
Hi Tonia :) Sending hugs today and praying. Love, Q
Oh, my goodness--I can't stop shaking my head. It's all a little crazy. (luck???!) Eeek on losing the laptop! Tonia--you're awesome!!! You've been just amazing through all this--if a little junk food and cartoons is the lowest you sink, you have my complete admiration. Glad to hear you're still trying to enjoy the summer--NW blueberries are the best.
new low? no problem ... He's been there and willing to go again.
your words stir and ask for deep listening.
we are.
And we keep holding you in our hearts and prayers. He sees; He knows; He cares.
Tonia,
I've been talking to and working with professionals for eleven years, regarding our son's health and education.About 15% of them are great at what they do. And that percent are perceptive, sensitive, able to listen, affirm, and help build on whatever foundation has been laid.
It's good to have someone with 20 years of experience who has a degree of humility, and the good ones always do. They're hard to find.
Can you get another opinion?
Take care of yourself! That's not an option; that's a necessity.
Julana
doodah,
indeed He does...now if i can just have the courage to keep walking in faith. thanks for praying. really.
*******
carrie, ann, quinne, linda,
your prayers are a treasure to me. they have literally held me up. thank you for the time, for the investment.
********
lydia,
the junk food and cartoons are all i'll admit to in public anyway. *hee* honestly, the prayers and support of friends have made this burden bearable. thank you for being one of those people.
********
laure,
i don't know why, but your comment stirred me so much. thank you for listening. i wrote the post with a tongue in cheek kind of feel, but when i go back and read it i know that there is much there that i am wanting to be understood and heard about....thank you for picking up on that and offering your time and patience.
God bless.
***********
julana,
yes, we are working our way up the next system of experts and opinions. i am stronger now, and know where to draw some lines, so the hospital experience was good in that way...but oh, how i hope for that 15% ! just one good expert would help so much.
and i am seeing for sure that taking care of oneself is a MUST. soon, i fly away to visit ann(holyexperience) for a week. if that's not something to look forward to, i don't know what is. :)
thank you for giving me the benefit of your experience and wisdom. i appreciate it.
tonia,
i will continue to pray. after our son's 3 hospitalizations in 12 months and numerous visits with the health "professionals" i wholeheartedly agree with julana and the 15% comment. if this helps any....ask if the facility/ therapy etc. is based on a "medical model". when fasd is treated as such the tendency to blame the adoptive parents is much less. fasd is brain damage. alcohol is such a traumatic assault to the brain. i know you already know all of this. having therapists throw around blame is of NO benefit to you or your precious boy. i am thinking of you so much as we trudge along on this journey with you. it is hard. so very hard. may you feel His peace dear friend.
love,
julie
Hang in there, sweet heart. We're praying for you all.
Tonia,
I have not checked in on your blog in what seems like forever.
I want to tell you that while our set of problems was different, I have weathered a storm similar to yours. I have ducked blows delivered by a woman-child of mine. I have been screamed at, cussed at, spit at. We spent thousands and thousands of dollars on intervention, therapies, medications.
I did not think our family would survive. I really did not think our marriage would survive.
But now that girl is at college. She comes home a lot. She calls a lot. We are rebuilding our relationship.
My marriage survived. My other children survived.
God is restoring that which the enemy stole from us.
You will survive this.God has not abandoned you, just remember that in the middle of the night when everything seems lost. God is there in the middle of this and He is probably weeping with you, I think His heart breaks for the things we must endure in this fallen world.
I am holding you up in my prayers.
Kelli
Dearest Tonia,
I've been a lurker-reader for some time.
Our situations are different, but I'm taking my 5 year old in for some preliminary testing with someone in our school district next Tuesday (I'm cautiously nervous), and then we have an appointment with a Developmental Pediatrician at the end of August (of which the first hour will be spent with a social worker, again, cautiously nervous). It took us almost a year to get that last appointment.
Your words tug at my heart as I ponder the path God has put us on. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. For being real, and for allowing the Hand of God to move in your lives.
Amy
I continue to keep you in my prayers Tonia. You are often in my thoughts and therefore, regularly on my heart before God.
A post that's not spiritual? But it is (and I know you are well aware of that). It's all spiritual when we are waiting on him, isn't it? The good, the bad, and the ugly. Tonia, thank you for being real and honest-- a true mentor.
Susan L
A post that's not spiritual? But it is (and I know you are well aware of that). It's all spiritual when we are waiting on him, isn't it? The good, the bad, and the ugly. Tonia, thank you for being real and honest-- a true mentor.
Susan L
Tonia, My daughter has excellent verbal skills too. In fact on the test designed to measure long term memory, she scored in the 98th percentile. Only when you look at the total score do you see that there are tests designed to test functional status in which she scores in the bottom 5th percentile. But, none of it matters when the full scale IQ is on the low side of normal. I get frustrated with the professionals too.
Tonia friend,
Monsters, Inc. is a very funny movie...... *grin*
((((Tonia))))
We are here and listening and praying....
during those "wasted" hours...
don't worry.